He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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