Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
