i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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