party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.