You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.