I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.