Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want nice things and good sex
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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