Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
