The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I need a beard to bite.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
