Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
