Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
