Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
