What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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