so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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