just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
