11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
