i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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