Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
