So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
