Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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