it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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