Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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