dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
