she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
