Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
