Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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