Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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