I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
