Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
