If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
