i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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