If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bring me that man meat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
