Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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