NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All the doctor said was why
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
