I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
