Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
