Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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