I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
