Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
