now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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