if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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