Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
