I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
