awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize