you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ttyl tear gas
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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