You can't motorboat a personality
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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