I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
