I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
