were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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