me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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