if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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