OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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