Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
