i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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