two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
