i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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