Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
