It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
