five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
