Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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