he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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