I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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