I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
