You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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