If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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