you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
whose parrot is this?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
