I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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