why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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