the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
