A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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