If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize