theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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